Before we begin, let me say that this title may be misleading, considering when I visited Austin, I didn't actually attend the festival... but who cares! Very few people actually read this blog (which is soceity's loss, I assure you) so "iz all coo, brah."
There were so many dirty, hairy, most likely smelly (I wouldn't know, I never got close enough, plus everything smelled of booze), attractive individuals scattered throughout the city due to the SXSW festival. I must have had eye-sex with at least 30% of them. Woah, hold up. Eye-sex? Is this actually a thing, or just another Jacobism? Honestly, I don't even know myself... my guess is that it's a little bit of both.
My defination of eye-sex is as follows:
eye-sex (n) - Long, drawn out intimate glances that would suggest more than just
inspection (ex: I had eye-sex all night long.)
(v) - the act of having eye-sex (ex: He eye-sexed me so hard.)
So, after being ravaged many times via gaze, I decided it was time for a break. Even I have limits...... Have I just discovered the new sexual revolution of my generation? I better get a book deal.
Your happily violated, but still faithful blogster, Jacob.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sagely Advice: My Homie is Homo
Mean gay people. They're everywhere. I must hide. I'll run away to Prague, no one will disturb me but James McAvoy. Bow-chicka-wow-WOW!
WISDOM of the DAY: Don't get hung up on one person (no matter what Madonna tells you), once you move on, it's so liberating! I know, I know. It's easier said than done. But take it from someone who knows.
I finally, after a year of having a crush on a friend, have at last gotten over them. Shockingly enough, I found myself to be a lot more pleasant person after I came to this realization. This surprised me, considering I never thought of myself as someone who would act love-sick, and let it affect their behavior, but evidently it did. So my advice to the world is, if it's not going anywhere, try your luck with someone else..... or just marry your cat.
So eat a lot, laugh obnoxiously, chew with your mouth open, sing off-tune, publicly check to see if you zipped your fly, and GET OVER THAT PERSON WHO YOU'RE HUNG UP ON!
Your faithful blogster, Jacob.
WISDOM of the DAY: Don't get hung up on one person (no matter what Madonna tells you), once you move on, it's so liberating! I know, I know. It's easier said than done. But take it from someone who knows.
I finally, after a year of having a crush on a friend, have at last gotten over them. Shockingly enough, I found myself to be a lot more pleasant person after I came to this realization. This surprised me, considering I never thought of myself as someone who would act love-sick, and let it affect their behavior, but evidently it did. So my advice to the world is, if it's not going anywhere, try your luck with someone else..... or just marry your cat.
So eat a lot, laugh obnoxiously, chew with your mouth open, sing off-tune, publicly check to see if you zipped your fly, and GET OVER THAT PERSON WHO YOU'RE HUNG UP ON!
Your faithful blogster, Jacob.
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